Big Billy’s Burger Tanger Outlet

 

It was one of those Charleston days—the kind where the sun is shining, the shorts come out, and you remember exactly why you packed up your life and moved south. A perfect day for some after-Christmas bargain hunting at the outlets. All that walking, weaving, and deal-grabbing worked up a serious appetite.

Enter: Big Billy’s Burger Bar.

Naturally, the Bacon X3 Burger was the chosen victim.

✨Appearance – 4 pts

When this burger hit the table, hope was alive and well. Bacon? Plenty of it. Cheese? Ooey, gooey, and melty. Visually, it was doing everything right and had me leaning forward in my chair with excitement.

🥯Bun – 6 pts

A standard white bun showed up and did exactly what it was hired to do: hold everything together until the final bite. No collapse, no drama—but also no personality. Just vibes of “I’m here to help.”

🥩Meat – 24 pts

Oh, how I wanted this to be great. I ordered medium. What I got was well done with a capital W. No pink, no juiciness—just gray sadness. The patty was dry and oddly salty, yet somehow completely lacking flavor. If it weren’t for the bacon stepping in like a superhero, this burger would have been straight-up miserable.

🧀Cheese – 10 pts

Cheddar was the order, and yes, it arrived melted and looking legit. Unfortunately, it tasted like… nothing. So much nothing that I actually lifted the bun to confirm it was still there. It was. Barely.

🥬Veggies – 10 pts

Classic lineup: lettuce, tomato, pickle. The pickles stole the show—crispy, punchy, and the first thing to disappear. Lettuce had a satisfying crunch. The tomato showed up with a little juice and flavor, but nothing to write home about.

💧Dressing – 8 pts

The Bacon Mayo was the MVP. Flavorful, smoky, and actually boosted the bacon instead of competing with it. Easily the best thing happening between the buns.

🧻Messiness – 2 pts

This burger was far too dry to cause any chaos. The sauce was properly portioned, the tomato behaved itself, and I walked away needing exactly one paper towel. A clean exit.

🍔Burgerness – 6 pts

Yes, it technically qualified as a burger: meat, cheese, bacon, bun. But it lacked soul. A dry, overcooked patty doesn’t spark joy—or appetite.

Final Score: 70 Patty Points

This burger had no magic. The over-salted, overcooked meat dragged everything down, which was especially disappointing given how promising it looked on arrival. I want to believe this was just an off day… so a return visit might be in order—purely in the name of burger science. 🍔

Smashley’s Burger Bar

 

Smashley’s Burger Bar – North Charleston

This weekend, the burger cravings hit hard. So naturally, I sweet-talked the wife into a quick “errand stop” at Smashley’s. No regrets. The second we walked in, I got major Five Guys energy—but like Five Guys went to the gym, upgraded its wardrobe, and learned interior design.

You order at the counter, grab a buzzer, and wait for destiny to call. The staff? Ridiculously friendly. Like, “hey, we actually care if you enjoy this burger” friendly.

Now… let’s talk about why we’re really here:

The Righteous Brother Double 🍔🔥

Appearance – 5 pts
This is exactly what a burger should look like. Thick, meaty, dripping with cheese and sauce. It was flirting with me before I even picked it up.

Bun – 8 pts
Brioche. My ride-or-die bun. Soft, flavorful, and held it together till the final bite. No soggy collapse. Structural integrity on point.

Meat – 28 pts
Absolute star of the show. Juicy, flavorful, and cooked beautifully. Every bite screamed quality. Only tiny knock? I wanted just a touch more char. Still elite.

Cheese – 13 pts
Aged cheddar done right. Melty, drippy, and adding to the glorious chaos. Cheese understood the assignment.

Veggies – 13 pts
Lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions—thinly sliced and perfectly balanced. The homemade pickles had a fresh cucumber vibe, and the onions? MVP of the veggie squad.

Dressing – 9 pts
Burger sauce was applied generously, as it should be. Took the whole experience to the next level.

Messiness – 5 pts
I lost count after five napkins. Sauce on my face. Burger juice everywhere. A beautiful, shame-free disaster.

Burgerness – 9 pts
This thing knew it was a burger and reminded you every single bite. Honestly, it had enough burger energy for two burgers.

Extras 🍟🥒

Zucchini chips were thin, lightly breaded, and dangerously addictive—especially when dipped in tzatziki.
Fries were fresh, hot, crunchy, and salted like someone actually cares.

Final Score: 90 Patty Points

Smashley’s absolutely smashed it. I’ll be back. Probably soon.

Parker’s Cane Bay

 

Parker’s Burger Adventure

I had the day off, nothing to do, and was slowly morphing into a couch fossil. Luckily, there’s a Parker’s gas station just a short stroll away, so I embarked on a noble quest: to judge their bathroom. Mission accomplished, I wandered toward the food counter—because what’s a hero without a snack? That’s when I spotted the Cheeseburger… and destiny called.

APPEARANCE – 2 pts

Wrapped in cellophane and looking like it lost a small wrestling match, this burger wasn’t winning any beauty pageants. But hey—it’s from a gas station, not a Michelin chef.

BUN – 5 pts

A little squished, a lot ordinary. Classic white bun, doing its job without complaint. Soft, simple, and delivering flavor in every bite.

CHEESE – 14 pts

The real MVP. Thick. Melted. Glorious. Each bite brought a wave of cheesy goodness that transported me straight to flavor heaven.

MEAT – 18 pts

Plot twist: it didn’t taste like cardboard! The patty actually had solid flavor. It was cooked well-done and kept warm under a heat lamp, leaving it a bit dry—classic gas station charm—but definitely recognizable as real meat.

VEGGIES – 5 pts

No veggies. None. Zero. This was a minimalist masterpiece: meat, cheese, and bun. Awarded the default score for sheer absence.

DRESSING – 3 pts

One lonely packet of ketchup. A single dab. That’s all the dressing this burger knew in its short life.

MESSINESS – 2 pts

Not messy at all—mostly because dryness doesn’t drip. I used one napkin just so I didn’t look like a savage.

BURGERNESS – 8 pts

The meat+cheese combo carried the whole production. You bit into this thing and your brain went, “Yep, that’s a burger.”

Total: 57 Patty Points

This cheeseburger radiated High School cafeteria nostalgia. Not gourmet, not terrible—just a dependable, quick bite that takes you back in time and fills the void until you get somewhere better. Perfect for a pit stop, a memory lane moment, or when boredom strikes hard.